A Better Way To Love

We are told to love unconditionally. I agree with that but at the same time, I feel strongly uncomfortable with the common context that this unconditional love is often presented and emphasized. In my opinion, it is often better to love conditionally than to pursue the negative oriented unconditionally love that is often advocated. I would rather enjoy love with my eyes naturally open than force a close eye in an effort to make love happen.

What many call love is often initiated based on conditions (sometimes beautiful ones) but for whatever reason people say it all started blindly and hence everything usually falls apart when the said blindness is over. It was never based on any blindness, it is either initiated based on less important traits or a growing focus on the negatives crept in along the way. The latter is exactly what this article wants to address. I wish to open your eyes to the world of beauty that is often neglected and sometimes unseen by the proponents of faulty unconditional love.

We are told to love people unconditionally despite their short-comes. As a result of this, many have shut their eyes to the beauties and great goodness in the people around them, focusing more strongly on the weaknesses and challenges that they struggle to ignore so as to love unconditionally. To be sincere I have never met anyone in whom I didn't see goodness, enough goodness to warrant my love, enough goodness to enjoy them greatly.

Yes, people have challenges, various weaknesses that might make loving them difficult if we focus on them. But we don't have to keep the bad sides more in sight. If we learn how to look beyond or look deeper, we will discover wonderful things, so beautiful that we can't help but love more strongly. There is beauty in the people in your world, sometimes they are not always obvious, hence we have to approach people with the intent to discover their beautiful sides instead of always looking at the wrong sides and pursuing an unconditional love which is often suffocating.

Apostle Paul wrote to the Philippians saying, 'I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers' (Philippians 1:4). To enjoy the people in your life, you have to develop an attitude that dwells more on their positives. Paul could have dwelt on the negative, instead, he chose not to remember the painful memories but focused on the things he could be grateful for. Am I saying to deny the hurts and excuse the weaknesses in other people? No, that may not be healthy either. My advice is for you to focus on the good/pleasant things about people and choose to emphasize those instead of the negative, and unpleasant.

Finally, we are all treasures in earthen vessels. Paul told the Philippians church, 'Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ' The people have not become all they should be but Paul was confident that they will continue to improve. Unlike Paul, we often tend to judge people on the basis of how far they have to go rather than how far they have come. To love and enjoy people we must allow for growth and for development while we focus our attention more on the better side. Learn to see the goodness in people, learn to love them for who they are... for who they are is not as bad as that negative trait may portray.